Chances are, probably not, as Storm Kathleen is having a whale of a time bashing up our western coastline today.
It’s been the first test for Wirral’s great impenetrable sea defence at West Kirby that came in not for a snip – this is Wirral Council we’re talking about – but massively over budget at £19 million of taxpayers’ money.
Now, obfuscating about the source of finances for this project or that project is a tedious game all political entities indulge in, presumably thinking the little people don’t understand all this high-brow stuff.
In this case the council will say the £19m didn’t come out of their budget, which is true. But the money definitely came out of our taxpayer pockets, which is also true.
But other people’s money either way, right?
The Great Wall found its way to construction via the usual labyrinthine route only a local council can fashion:
Cook up a mad idea to spend other people’s money that you know voters will hate.
Hold consultation. Discover voters do indeed hate it. Decide to do it anyway.
Find oddities on the fringe of general society to be the local fall guys when it all goes belly up and throw them a stick.
Seek out a quango to hide behind when the results typically aren’t what you had hoped for – despite ignoring deafening advice from others.
Apply for public cash.
Receive public cash.
Waste public cash.
Any heathens who dared to question the veracity of this scheme were given a block response from the council which looked (and looks – until about 9am tomorrow, when no doubt it’ll disappear) like this:
So there you have it. All safe. All smashing.
Right up until this morning when the wall got its first actual stress test….
Which is when we got this instead (if you don’t use Facebook, ask someone who can in order to see the video).
Which itself resulted in this complete and utter idiocy:
Then:
Scoff at those pointing out the wall is a £19 million chocolate teapot.
Furiously stamp up and down insisting the wall has done its job while literally everyone else takes on the little boy role to point out the emperor is wearing no clothes.
Thunderously declare that black is white:
Yes, that’s Green Party councillor Pat Cleary claiming, with what seems to be a straight face, that the wall isn’t really there to stop water, just to make the waves a bit less, erm, tidally. King Canute need not worry just yet.
Although Cllr Pat seemed not to notice that the ferocity of the water – you know, the force of it, Cllr Pat – meant staff working at Tanskey’s on WK promenade had to be rescued by lifeboat crew (brilliant as ever).
Meanwhile, Storm Kathleen will cause havoc for the next couple of days before eventually blowing itself out.
As is now tradition, the next named storm will have as usual a female name beginning with L, the next letter in the alphabet.
By then she will have been the constituency’s representative for nine years, after first taking her place on Westminster’s green benches after winning the seat from the Conservative incumbent Esther McVey in 2015.
We’re not entirely sure why Ms Greenwood ever really wanted to represent the area, though, as she doesn’t seem to care for it very much.
She supports the swamp, which is now spreading outwards to both West Kirby and Meols, with cunning plans to eventually not-so-stealthily also ruin the beaches of Leasowe, Moreton, Harrison Drive, New Brighton and Egremont, too, all in the name of dodgy ideology.
Even so, a near decade in the corridors of power is something only a rarefied few get to experience, so here’s a list of Ms Greenwood’s greatest achievements as our local MP:
In what no one anywhere would ever consider exciting news, the local council elections loom.
In Wirral, that means all 66 of the council seats are up for grabs.
There is no point whatsoever in any parties or their supporters or indeed voters at large getting excited about it, though, because we all know, through dreary experience, what is going to happen.
Thanks to the block-voting in Birkenhead, and most of Wallasey, the two largest conurbations we have, Labour – well, Wirral Labour, because there is a difference – will win.
And, tediously, on we will march ever towards the self-consuming oblivion of life in Wirral as we know it.
Not because of the tidal waves and wild fires that the ridiculous “wall” in West Kirby is supposed to save us all from (which it won’t, because it’ll never be needed in any case, and besides, what’s £16m-and-counting of our money between friends?), but because of the moronic quacking robots – think “for mash get Smash” – in the town hall.
They’ll tell you anything you want to hear, obviously, come hell or high water, but this is what you’ll actually get anyway, yet again:
More pointless £££s office blocks to be built in Birkenhead town centre for the council to move into from, er, another office block somewhere else in Birkenhead, which is always a great investment of public money when many office workers – and most especially civil servants meant to work in town halls or government ministries – now opt to work from home, and high streets grow more deserted than ever.
Look forward to shiny artist “impressions” of pipe dreams from ambitious young town planners who will very soon realise that their earnest toil has been entirely pointless, because all they’ll end up creating in reality is empty office blocks occupied by pigeons and enthusiastically unused cycle lanes.
Watch people swap an equally shiny chain each year so they can eat toffee apples, open shops, snip ribbons, glad-hand anyone who asks, and build up a photo portfolio they’ll quickly store in the loft when they can eventually fit back up the stairs, to then be instantly forgotten.
Same old, same old. And that’s it – normally.
But there are of late some new kids on the block in the form of the Green Party, who have started to make inroads into the local political system – albeit as lowly partners, but very much enablers, to Wirral Labour.
This is not in itself a bad thing. More political plurality should be welcomed by all of those who believe in democracy – even way out there on Wirral’s far left, who don’t believe in democracy at all, because in their myopic minds they’re right about everything and that’s that.
So what, you may wonder, has any of this to do with Hoylake Beach?
Which means for the next few weeks or so, he or his representatives will be asking for your vote.
Now, bearing in mind there are an estimated 97% of adults in Hoylake and Meols in favour of having a clean beach, rather than the swamp that is down there now because of Priest and his Hoylake Village Life/Vision/Beacon/Blancmange/Mangetout/Doobedoobedoo cronies, we wonder how’ll he tackle that when it no doubt comes up on the doorstep – if, that is, he openly admits who he really is, which is The Man Who Helped Ruin The Beach.
We also wonder how he will cope with questions about the Black Lubyanka monstrosity at the top end of Market Street, an eyesore which still isn’t a cinema and nowhere near close to becoming one despite all the (public) money thrown at it.
Let’s just face it. It’s a block of flats. With six parking spaces.
Our Jools gets quite vexed when any of this is mentioned, because, you know, he’s full of – no, not that – “vision”, just like his Keith Lemon-lookalike pal who appears to have gone relatively quiet ever since settling into his new sinecure down at the old Kingsmead School site.
Vexed, because they simply cannot stand being challenged about anything.
Presenting their “vision” – god help me – for Hoylake beach a few years ago, Priest – clad, as ever, in a terrible, unfitting T-shirt – declared the meeting a “safe space” where no dissent, or indeed impertinent questions, were allowed.
But your doorstep is most definitely not Priest’s “safe space”.
It is, however, most definitely yours.
So I would encourage you to take the opportunity to make your case, while he’s stood there on your property, begging you for support, about the state of the beach which he has championed; or the non-existent “cinema” that he has also championed; to ask him what a woman actually is; and ask if he can deduce that 2+2 equals 4 without breaking out into a sweat because he’s concerned he may have left a different number out.
Also, ask him why he wants to close off the prom to traffic – the only alternative to Market Street, which his cronies would also like to somehow turn into a town square, stifling traffic even more.
These are not difficult questions to ask of people wanting your vote.
So make sure you quiz Our Jools.
It’s your “safe space”, after all.
NB:
We couldn’t be bothered to get involved in a Facebook thread this week that saw a pro-swamp union guy insist he was speaking in “facts” when saying the beach is, emphatically to him, not a swamp.
The blank-brained, sourpuss killjoys of the swamp are never more enraged than when their hypocrisy and utter intransigence are laid bare for all to see.
Last week it was yet again the turn of Liz “Honoured to meet Extinction Rebellion” Grey and some of her political colleagues confirming how much they really don’t care what happens to Hoylake beach, as long as they win.
It’s not about the beach. They clearly don’t give a toss about that.
Because if they did, we’d be enjoying a clean beach again and we’d also all happily put this entire saga behind us and move on.
But no, forget about the golden sands and glittering sunset vistas, because this is all about power.
That is: Their power over you.
It’s taken right out of their political playbook and it’s not exactly new.
There used to be a time when whoever or whatever you voted for was a personal issue, kept between you and the polling booth. Not anymore.
Now, unless you publicly declare absolute adherence to The Rules of the Righteous, then you are, to all intents and purposes, “wrong”.
Can’t define a woman? Come on in.
Can define a woman? Racist!
Vast, overwhelming majority of local people wanting their beach back? DEMONS.
Weeny little group into weeds? ANGELS.
This is just how they work.
It’s not quite bullies in the playground stuff, because bullies can be reported to the headteacher.
But when the bullies actually are the people in charge, simply because someone in Birkenhead voted for them because their dad did, they make their own rules.
Then, later last week, it was a further pile-on from a minority party that is basically a local Labour party offshoot in different coloured gilets, firing off intimidating missives as if imbued by the magnificently malign malevolence of Ming the Merciless himself.
Let’s be in no doubt – while the local Labour outfit continues its decades-long, scandal after scandal-enfused stranglehold of Wirral Council, which shows no sign of letting up, Hoylake beach, as once was just three years ago, ain’t coming back anytime soon.
As Our Liz admitted publicly last week, it doesn’t even matter what you say.
If you don’t agree with her – and she is, after all, a teacher, so even though you left school tens of years ago, you’re still bizarrely expected to kowtow to her boundless knowledge of everything that is correct – you’re dismissed.
It is depressingly evident.
They asked for written questions in advance of last week’s meeting.
That normally gives them a chance to formulate a reply, probably with a team of advisors and council lawyers checking every word before they semi-politely tell you to bugger off.
Now they don’t even bother with such niceties.
Pre-sent written questions were replied to with “I’ll write to you” back. Then why call a public meeting in the first place?
Oh, no, sorry. It wasn’t a “public meeting”.
It was, as Our XR Liz withered, “a meeting in public”.
Jeepers!
They will argue that black is white, oranges are lemons, dogs are cats, knights are dames, and if you dare to challenge their outright, childish nonsense, then you are every slur they can muster from their well-thumbed, dog-eared copy of Our Righteous Complaints R Us/Them/They.
More worryingly still, they actually seem to believe it.
So thank heavens, then, for a little brevity provided by some excellent wags in Hoylake who have hit the nail on the head. And on a bench, too.
It’s on the prom.
Find it for a selfie before The Usual Suspects spark up their typically tiresome organic fire and environmentally friendly brimstone.
Julius, Dick and Panned, Not-so-Gorge and Timid the dog looked down disconsolately at their trusty Jesus sandals, the necessary faux leather jailers of their sensible socks.
The tallest one, resplendent in an ill-fitting T-shirt designed for three-year-old girls, sighed, “They really don’t like us, do they?”
“Woof,” agreed Timid, enthusiastically, his fluffy tail suitably a-wag.
“But we’ve still won – we’ve still completely buggered up their beach,” said Dick, while wondering if he needed either new sandals or more Hawaiian-style shirts to cover his strangely beri beri-inspired belly.
“Woof,” Timid concurred, as he cocked a leg over the lifeboat ramp.
“Would anyone like me to make a springy heather bed and prepare a splendid picnic feast of poison leaves, effluent, dodgy green stuff, Margeret Greenwood flyers, and weasel droppings?” asked Panned.
“You may think it’s dreadful and potentially life-limiting, but if you try to persuade yourself to believe any old rubbish, it’ll be a lovely place to sleep and dream of actually nice places to sleep and dream.”
“Woof, woof,” said Timid.
“It’s not really heather, though, dear Panned,” interrupted Not-so-Gorge, the perennial doom-monger whom Julius was starting to really wonder whether they were a real sand-yachter or not.
“Unless you think rat-infested, potentially child-dangerous, non-native weeds would make for a more comfortable repose?”
Julius erupted.
“Excuse me!” he squealed. “I think you’ll find that IS heather. It is! It is because I say it is! Why do you have to be so mean?”
“Sorry,” said Not-so, without meaning it. “I always thought telling the truth was the right option.”
“And it is!” retorted Julius, “as long as it’s my truth and no one else’s!”
“How about some water everyone,” said Panned, ever the peacemaker. “Maybe we could compromise?”
“Never!” raged Julius. “I won’t stop until this vile place is completely much more vile!
“There are unbelieveably still some businesses in operation on the main road, for Gaia’s sake!
“And while we’re at it, what about those islands over there?
“Is it just me, or are they completely evil racist transphobe islands?
“Mark my words, Bird Island is clearly a sex discrimination case waiting to happen.”
“Piss off, you offence-seeking moron,” sighed Not-so.
“Woof,” said Timid.
“Beer?” suggested Dick.
“Only if it’s organic dolphin-friendly seahorse wee,” blasted Julius, verging on a hissy fit.
Timid then felt the call of nature, and wandered into overgrown, overly-pungent grasses so rare they are found all over the world, where he emptied his bowels for the benefit of unsuspecting swamp lovers to slide in later.
“Woof,” he said, after a quick sniff of his wares.
We don’t know what has happened to Hoylake Village Life.
They’ve disappeared from Facebook, which is odd, because that’s the only place they were liked.
Normally by people who simply hate the world and raise their angry fists to the wrong sort of sunrise.
That’s up to them.
But this may – or may not – have something to do with people who aren’t completely enamoured with their mission to ruin Hoylake in the process of turning it into its own vision of woke loveliness…
Oops – we mentioned “vision”.
Because HVL’s other guise – one of many – is Hoylake Vision, which is the exact same thing but with even less scrutiny.
As is the Beacon Project, which used to be Hoylake Beacon.
People might think they make these names up as they go along.
We couldn’t possibly comment.
But something we will comment upon is the rather unappealling individual that is Josh Styles, the self-styled eco-warrior of the Hoylake foreshore.
It’s not news that he loves weeds and mess.
Nor that he seemingly finds human beings enjoying their own clean beach somehow distasteful.
In a democracy, we’ll take all that on the chin.
It’s fair enough, no matter how much we disagree with Our Josh.
But Our Josh also has a disturbing little troll habit of putting laughing emjois at the end of any comments or posts he disagrees with.
This elevates him, you see, to an all-knowing sage, with make-up on, who knows better than the hoi poloi beneath his loftiness.
But then a little girl fell ill after tumbling over in his and his supporters’ beloved Hoylake swamp.
The youngster broke out in a disturbing rash.
Commentators either wished her well or hoped she had a speedy recovery.
But not Our Josh.
Oh no.
It was a moment to put yet another laughing emoji, dismissing the little girl’s affliction.
Even a kid getting ill is apparently funny to Josh.
So, don’t be Josh.
Let’s get the beach cleaned up.
And stop trying to appease the swampies who think otherwise.
Most people might think there is enough stupidity in the world without adding to it. But apparently that’s not universal, and certainly not if you happened to be operating Wirral Council’s social media today.
This morning, whoever-it-is – but we’ll call them “Wirral Council”, as that is whose name under which it was posted on our cursed local authority’s official page – raced to Facebook to remind everyone how utterly brilliant they are at everything they touch.
Presumably they did this to divert us away from remembering, daily, how utterly useless they are at the things they don’t touch – like potholes, bins, replying to emails, responding to petitions, keeping special needs kids’ schools open, the very idea of listening to voters, and, of course, the swamp they have encouraged a little bunch of cagoule enthusiasts to chant and pray and sing a kneeling version of Kum-Ba-Yah before, to enable grotesque, alien weeds to flourish on what used to be Hoylake Beach, potentially ruining the feeding grounds of the very migrating birds they claim to champion.
As ever in Brighton Street, sense was firmly left where it is so often left – in the free employee car parks that seem to surround the place.
To boot: Wirral Council’s publicly-funded marketing machine – in other words, yes, the one paid for by your council tax – posted what we think you’ll agree was this absolute corker this morning:
You’ll notice in the ever important hashtags used in the image above that the word “respect” is used – and in bold, no less. Because that emphasis is not just vitally important, but because it demonstrates how #down #with #da #kids #dey #dead #r, too.
Alas, however, there was a problem.
And that problem was the small matter of the post being literally, completely, untrue.
Not a single member of the council’s otherwise excellent parks team has been working anywhere on the sensory garden in the Parade Gardens on Hoylake and Meols promenade, which for those from beyond the locale are just a few yards up from the lifeboat station.
Instead, and as is usual, the work in its entirety was provided by the consistently superb voluntary group, Friends of Hoylake and Meols in Bloom, who not only keep our villages’ flowerbeds and planters radiating with colour, in their own time and of their own volition, but also tend to the beds in Queens Park and, of course, Parade Gardens, too.
All hardware and plants paid for by donations, and all the work carried out by volunteers, with not so much as a scowl from someone grumpy in the council’s grants department, which is of course apparently under strict instruction to only ever spend money in Birkenhead yet again.
It took nanoseconds for the first of what would eventually amount – at the time of writing – to over 330 replies, 99% of which were furious that such a wonderful voluntary endeavour carried out with love, community spirit, and dogged determination, had been casually touted around on social media as something that was all Wirral Council’s work.
When not a single bit of it was.
One of the many to object was a representative of the Friends of Hoylake and Meols in Bloom group themselves (to whom you can learn more about, and DONATE to, here).
They responded:
Scores and scores and yet more scores more piled on, too. The general theme being: “How dare you?”
Then, over on the deadly world of Twitter, a place where you would think she might fear to tread, up popped the Labour leader of the council, Janette Williamson, to not quite apologise, but to seek a “clarification and correction” from the town hall marketing team.
But without any apology forthcoming, the debate – such as it was – raged away, and suddenly became even more interesting with the interjection of a certain Elaine Foulkes.
After a concerned contributor castigated our “lazy council”, Our Elaine replied:
“My husband” being one Steve Foulkes, the long-time Labour councillor for Claughton, a former mayor of the borough in 2014, and to those that have a smidgen of interest in the machinations of Brighton Street, the former long-term leader of the council itself.
Now, a few people – yours truly included – not unreasonably conflated the idea of Wirral Council taking boastful credit for something it had clearly not done – ie, the Parade Gardens sensory garden – with the way it stubbornly refuses to take any responsibility for what it has also not done, which is to care for the beach that remains in its current state a disgrace, an eyesore, a health risk, and inhospitable to anyone other than pole vaulters who can beat the stench-filled swamp.
But Our Elaine refused to back down. The whole problem, she insisted, was the fault of the Tories.
Below is a brief exchange between the Friends of Hoylake and Meols in Bloom group (and please do donate to them to aid their ongoing fine work), and Our Elaine:
This was an interesting reply, as no matter if you would prefer to see the Prime Minister’s head on a stick outside No 10, rather than heralding an election victory so humiliating for the official opposition that it is still forlornly licking its weeping wounds some 18 or so months later, it was – like Wirral Council’s initial boasting of how amazing it was at providing this sensory garden for kids with special needs – massively off the mark, and totally wrong.
Because at the local elections in May, voters locally had a choice between the two main parties: A Conservative Party candidate who backed the huge majority of residents who not unreasonably want the beach returned to its former glory, and a Labour candidate (with universal backing from town hall comrades) who did not.
And that’s why the Labour candidate lost. It really was that simple.
But Our Elaine hadn’t finished. Querying our approach was “aggressive”, yours truly replied that the word she was looking for should have been “astonished” – which also helpfully begins with an “a”.
(A sudden attack of being uncharacteristically gallant also descended, preventing me from sending her a “people in glass houses” reply.)
Note that they’re still referring to “our” volunteers, when the Friends group is not anything of the sort. They’re a proudly independent-of-council voluntary group with one mission of making our villages look fabulous, a feat they achieve in spite of the council’s seeming indifference to local residents.
Brazen, brass necked, block headed – you decide.
In the meantime, the Parade Gardens, and its sensory garden, look magnificent. As do our planters and flowerbeds.
And all that work and effort thanks to the voluntary team, and absolutely zip from the burghers of Brighton Street.
For further reading on how Wirral Council treats sensory gardens for special needs kids paid for by other people, read here.
Photography by a local resident, captured on Wednesday, May 5, 2021.
For the vast majority of people in Hoylake and Meols, this is heartbreaking and depressing.
Meanwhile, today, polling day (!), the council has miraculously found time and resources to send contractors to clear sand from the pavements around the polling station at the community centre on the prom.
And the quad-bike weedkiller sprayers have been out and about tackling Hoylake and Meols pavements, too.
What a coincidence that it should happen today when people are casting their votes…
It would appear that the good councillor concerned is either far too busy to reply to the electorate, is finding it difficult to produce answers to the points raised, has no answers to the points raised, or is just ignoring things, hoping they will go away.
Well, if no answers are forthcoming, the only conclusion that can reasonably be drawn, is that all of the points raised in the previous emails are plausible, can not be answered, and exposes an intrinsic naivety, and huge flaws in the validity of the process that has been embarked upon regarding the immediate past, present and long term future of Hoylake beach.
However, prejudgement of Councillor Grey and her response (or lack of it) would be unfair, so I will prompt her again for a speedy reply.
The whole saga regarding Hoylake beach does however raise a number of more general (political but not party political) points that should be thought about by the people of Wirral, if not addressed by the council:
Question: Is the council leaving football pitches, rugby pitches, cricket pitches, bowling greens and golf courses to naturally develop and re-green into flower filled meadows?
Answer: No.
Reason: These are amenity spaces, used by large numbers of the public, and have proven mental and physical health benefits.
Question: Is the council going to plaster Wallasey and Birkenhead town halls and other historic Wirral buildings with solar panels?
Answer: No.
Reason: That would ruin the look and intrinsic beauty of these historic monuments.
Also, what is more perplexing, is that most if not all of the independent organisations involved with the council on this matter accept the relevance and importance of an amenity beach at Hoylake, and suggest that this should be included in any future management agreement, whilst the council, under Councillor Grey’s advice, seems to be totally opposed to any such proposal.
So why is this council hell bent on the destruction of Hoylake amenity beach, with it’s obvious benefits to many people’s physical and mental health, and all of its intrinsic and historic beauty?
Perhaps this might have something to do with the ruling group in the council only re-greening spaces, and pursuing their green vision, if their actions do not offend the voting base in their presumed solid and marginal seats, whilst ploughing on in wards that would never fall to their political persuasion.
It is also entirely plausible that any long-standing council ruling group might lose sight of their primary responsibility to the people they represent, irrespective of political persuasion, and be more concerned with the continuation of their hold on power for its own sake, with all that entails.
It has also been stated that these council decisions are the result of a democratic process.
This has to be brought into question when voting patterns in the council seem to demonstrate the use of a permanent, if not always official, three line whip, with members being told how to vote, without reference to their own conscience.
This kind of partisan self-serving politics should have no place in local government, where elected representatives should act in the interests of the whole electorate, and this sort of archaic political entrenchment has no place in the twenty first century.
Finally, the more that is seen of the council’s behaviour in the whole Hoylake beach issue, the more it appears to be little more than a punitive cost cutting exercise, hidden under a thin veil of green environmental concern.
This is a copy of an email one of the Love Hoylake – Save Hoylake Beach supporters has written to Natural England, the body that the Swampies worship like Thor.
Dear Sir / Madam,
I am writing to complain about the approach being taken at Hoylake Beach, Wirral and in particular;
The lack of ‘local community’ involvement and non-conformance to the process outlined within your own values and customer promise
The existing changes you have already authorised to the beach, due to be in place until at least 2023, without any appropriate ‘planning’ or prior dialogue with residents living adjacent to the ‘beach’ boundary
The footprint strategy and rationale you have used to select this specific coastal location selected for your collaborative project with Liz Grey
Your ‘values’ and ‘customer promise’ clearly outline the need to involve the ‘local community’ prior to any change project or development is implemented. The original beach management agreement has already ceased and your only noted engagement has been with Liz Grey and her Labour colleagues. The ‘local community’ as defined by the Hoylake and Meols ward boundary is represented by Conservative Councillors. The Conservative Councillors and local residents have not been properly directly engaged.
This is exacerbated, as it’s my understanding people living adjacent to a development or change boundary have the right to be involved in any ‘planning’ discussions before change is implemented. This is not the case at Hoylake Beach as the beach ‘project’ has already been initiated. This is a similar well-established process used for any local change plan or development, for example when the council allow a new Lidl store or a new residential development.
Whilst I’m absolutely sure most local people are not averse to sound environmental, biodiverse and sustainable projects in general. The coastline boundary surrounding the Wirral is vast with most areas already overtaken by nature, left inaccessible or completely unkempt including, Parkgate, Heswall, Birkenhead and Bromborough amongst others. However, the one area of beach set aside for ‘communal use’ and directly parallel to an adjacent residential strip has been selected for this project, again without prior consultation. Not only that but the full length of this residential strip has been taken over. There is already an existing grassy area set aside directly adjacent to the RNLI station. Whilst other, Labour-ward, coastal areas appear to be earmarked for commercial development by the council. Hypocrisy at best.
The unintended consequences of these actions are already being felt locally with thousands of petition signatures already mobilised.
I look forward to your reply on these points and your next steps.
#❤️Hoylake 